If its not like the movies, I won't take it

I always believe on below lyric…

When you find the right one, it should feel like the movies, cinematic and dramatic..

When you find the right one, it is so beautiful that it feels unreal

 

He put it on me, I put it on

Like there was nothin’ wrong

It didn’t fit, it wasn’t right
Wasn’t just the size

They say you know when you know
I don’t know

I didn’t feel
The fairy tale feeling, no
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could?

If it’s not like the movies
That’s how it should be
When he’s the one, I’ll come undone
And my world will stop spinning

And that’s just the beginning

Snow White said when I was young
One day, my prince will come so I’ll wait for that date
They say it’s hard to meet your match
Gotta find my better half so we make perfect shapes

If stars don’t align, if it doesn’t stop time
If you can’t see the sign, wait for it
One-hundred percent, worth every penny you spend
He’ll be the one that finishes your sentences

If it’s not like the movies
That’s how it should be, yeah
When he’s the one, I’ll come undone
And my world will stop spinning

And that’s just the beginning

‘Cause I know you’re out there
And you’re, you’re lookin’ for me
It’s a crazy idea that
You were made perfectly for me, you see

Just like the movies
That’s how it will be
Cinematic and dramatic
With the perfect ending

It’s not like the movies
But that’s how it should be
When he’s the one, you’ll come undone
And your world will stop spinning

And it’s just the beginning

Questioning-edited.

There are a lot of things that you could doubt about yourself..

You doubt your self ability,
You doubt your decision making process,
You doubt your choice..
And probably, you doubt your sanity..

Today, over a cup of hot hazelnut latte I am questioning myself..I doubt every single logic decision that I’ve made.

The question is:
Why I choose one particular guy over hundreds guy that I could be with..?

Tried so many hundreds time to make a “why” list..and now, I’ll try once again to make the list..just to make sure that I have enough reasons to choose him as the owner of my heart.. and here it comes the reasons:

1. Because I respect him
2. Because everytime I look at him, I just know that he is the one
3. Because he is the one I am look up to.. Fyi, I am super independent stubborn girl who rarely look up to someone..
4. Because he is acting super cool everytime, have an enormous high confidence that every girl in town will be down to their knee to get him (rr… I am a bit exaggerating here)
5. Because he is playing hard to get, yet care enough about me
6. Because he is brave enough to take the risks just to be with me? --> Make me feel worth enough?
7. Because, basically, he is the one with huge testosterone which make him looks enormously sexy! He is the most manly man I ever met.. Yet he is detail and super neat. A very good blend of a guy which every woman dreaming.. (Am I exaggerating again? No! )
8. Because he smells good (let’s go to the physical part); tall and big, good looking enough – great second look, have a deep eyes, have a very good taste on cars, watch, and electronics!
9. Because he is the man!

Seems the reasons are good enough eh? yet, he does living with someone else.

Heart never lies rite? It always guide you to the right one. Does it?

Today, over that cup of hazelnut latte, I am questioning, whether my feeling is real, or am I dating and falling in love with my own brain..? Or I just simply trapped in my own illusion of falling in love..?
PS: this isn’t black or white story.. being grey is part of life..

The time when I start is the time when it dissapears

I always want to write.. 

Many thoughts, words, stories and plots pop up on my mind;

the need feeling of pouring my brain into sentence is very huge — very huge that

i feel i hear myself saying to my brain the sentences that i have to write

But pity me, everytime i decide to start pouring my brain, time when i start to open my laptop and

when my finger touch keyboard..that is the time when all the concept dissapear.

and it also happened right now.

I already hear myself saying to my brain to open the laptop from yesterday night.

and the opening sentence “I always want to write” is a sentence that haunted me for almost last 12 hours.

and now, i am blank right away. I lost the plot and ideas.

I dont know why is it happened on and on.

either i put it too long on my short term memory or i am too much worry about the plot; so that it is disappear.

I wish, I could fix this by exercising a lot.

i hope there is no more time when i started and its the time when it dissapears

…

What is an ideal world?

I was thinking of this term today…

I wish everyone could have a chance to live happily..

EVERYONE…
unknown people i met on the bus, the security man whom i never saw before this morning, my friendly receptionist, my damn good office boy, my boss, my BIG bosses, EVERYONE….

I wish everyone could have their own ideal world to make them happy..
at least I wish they are having the same chance to live happily as their standard, not hurted, not burdened

but then I think… why God not create it that way?
He must have a very good reason for that…

then it left me the question why in my mind.

As I am trying to understand why…I try to look for the definition of ideal first.

according to my dictionary:

ideal |īˈdē(ə)l|
adjective
1 satisfying one’s conception of what is perfect; most suitable : the swimming pool is ideal for a quick dip | this is an ideal opportunity to save money.
2 [ attrib. ] existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality : in an ideal world, we might have made a different decision.
• representing an abstract or hypothetical optimum : mathematical modeling can determine theoretically ideal conditions.

Based on the dictionary,
in the first sentence ideal is representing something perfect based on someone’s conception/ someone wish…
and surprisingly, even dictionary already said that it is existing only in imagination!!

What is wrong with this world? why the word ‘ideal’ seems so impossible?
why?

and a week later,
I found the answer…

I am amazed, even feel shock that I can find the answer that fast..

it is as simple as when you have everything that you want,
you will loss desire. you won’t feel alive anymore.

When you get all the things what you want, then you feel empty..
then thats it. done.

thats why the ideal and perfect situation only exist in your mind.

Hide and seek with fear

Life is very much full of surprises as weather

When you expect a bright sunny day, sometimes it doesn’t

And if I can be honest, day in my life not always be a warm one

Sometimes it is a dark stormy day that it is hardly to see forward

 

Since my early age

I was afraid of dark sky, more and more afraid of lightning and thunder

I closed my eyes so I didn’t see the sky burst

I protect my ears so I didn’t hear the constant explosion that hurt me so

I ran to deepest earth if I could, hiding from that heavy stormy rain

 

As I grow up..

I realize one thing, I can’t hide anymore.

I have to face the fear and start think what the worst could happen If I wasn’t hide.

 

As I grow up I try to face the fears

I try to see the lightning straightly

I try to catch the melody of thunder

I try to dance in the pouring rain

 

While waiting the storm passed, I learned how to enjoy the flash of lightning, the melody of thunder, and dancing with the raindrops

And I try to believe, on the next days I’ll see the most peaceful clear sky

I ever once look for a definition of love

I ever once, try to define a word called LOVE

And I failed, failed, failed and failing again

I was looking the answer to all over the world, to every book I read, to every single person I spoke, to every song I heard.

I was wondering, where can I find the answer.

What kind of creature is that?

Some said, you feel really alive when you have something called LOVE

Some said, you feel really awful when you lose it

And some said, it just a sparks and fireworks which is unreal.

Until the time that I found you.

Until the period you taught me about unconditional love.

Giving without expecting.

I can't describe it with words..

yet it just feel right, it just feel peaceful.

Fairy Tale..

I was watching TV series lately…

There, life seems so much easy. Too easy.

Do what you love, speak what you have in mind, live a life. Done.

I have a question in mind…

“Can it be real? Can we have a real life doing only what we love,without sacrificing something?or its just a fairy tale story?” 

I was questioning it over and over..

I was watching and putting my eyes on star’s world (star ~ famous and successful people)

I am watching them and questioning “Do they have to sacrifice something to make a living?” Or “ They just lucky get a free fulfilling life, doing what they love, be rich because of it?”

I think, those kind of questions pop up in most of twenties… 

Twenties…

Identity crisis. Time to go to the jungle. Whatever..

Life in college never teach us how to live a life.

Worst part, it is not preparing us to be what we want to be.

And that’s what make twenties life so complicated ~ if I can say so..

We are graduated from college and university.

Having so much dream, having so much idealism.

We start looking for a job with reason for living.

No matter what the job is, we go for it.

After working for several months,

We realize that it isn’t what we want…

It is far away from what we say “perfect”

We get stuck, in the middle of nowhere and losing our deepest passion.

But we keep doing our best in our job in a way that we learn a word “realistic”

 Again, I am questioning “ Should we sacrifice something for make a good life? “ 

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