Thought process to be happy

I have been writing about many topics on happiness.
Mathematic of happiness, on being grateful, aftermath of happiness and so on.

Apparently, the key to happiness is even simpler than the things that I have wrote before, well... simple to say but never easy to be done in reality.

The key to happiness is really to decide to feel happy.
I know, I know. It is cliché.. and super tough. But it really is.

Everyday in life, channel your energy and focus to feel happy.
Wake up in the morning and breathe, don't let the thoughts of future and past disturb your inner peace. Breathe and decide to simply feel happy, fill yourself with simple joy - start counting the beautiful things that you have in your life.
In my case, it is the sunshine, the friends and family that I have, the supports I got from my colleagues, the shelter that I owned.

Life is not perfect, and it will never be, so perhaps it is just how we perceive and see things.

I have a frantic and busy life, and sometimes it drives me craaazyyyy
but at times, I just decided and think "ok, life is crazy and then what..? I just do things that I can do, I try my best, I am human and need some sleep time, eat time, and break time. I did my best, if it is not enough for other people then be it. " and I decide to feel happy and content .

That's it, that is the thought process to be happy.
not easy, but with practice and more practice, slowly but sure.. it starts to work.

5 to 6

Chasing happiness is a grand theme all people talking about lately.

Some said you should be married to be happy
Some said you should be famous to be happy
Some said you should be powerful and secure to be happy
Some said you should go to party to be happy

Can you find what is wrong with my sentences above?
No, it is not because it is repetitive and boring..
It is because we just put too much prerequisites to be happy.

One of my tricks of happiness is actually simple, yet for me, pricey.
Well one said that there is nothing such as free lunch.

I always have this magical happy feeling when I am able to wake up naturally at 5AM errr... or 5.15 AM (I am not a morning person, rarely wake up as early as 5AM), and if I could spend that magical hours looking at the changes of the color of the sky.
There is a burst of hope when the dark faded into lights, and that hope rides me into a peace state of mind which make me feel happy enough to continue my life.

Good morning, June!

Its 2nd of June.

I should write this on 1st but it falls on Sunday this year..
so I decide to write on 2nd when it falls on Monday instead :)

I write this on Monday morning, people!
I never never never thought that I will be able to write on morning, and Monday..

It such a great feeling to be able to wake up very fresh on Monday, and no Monday blues at all..

I woke up this morning with such a very great feeling.
I feel not sleepy, I feel energized, I have enough time to sip a cup of hot tea, do some brain gym, read some light articles and have time to plan my day ahead.
Thats all wonderful feeling that I have not been able to experience for.. quite a while (rr..years)

and its simply because I had a relaxed weekend.
I spent two days cooking at home, doing chores and lying on bed.
Never knows that it will make me have such a great feeling for Monday.

So, Good morning people!
Have a great Monday and great week ahead!

Morning view from my balcony

Sipping a cup of tea while planning the day ahead

My Recipe of Happiness

Today, 22 May 2014.

I cannot missed it, I cannot postpone it. I need to write it down.

I am so Happy.
I am sooo Happpyyy, until I think that I will not be able to be happier than today.

Today I feel light and content at the same time.
I feel so alive and grateful for the days that I had.

Why?

So here is the recipe:

1. I woke up quite early and have the time for sipping hot tea while doing some homework before I do anything else.
2. I had a good nap in the afternoon, it was only 1.5-2 hours, yet very fulfilling.
3. I made time to do yoga at my house. It was only 30 mins session guided by some youtube video :p YET it was very refreshing.
4. I cooked, yes you read it right. I cooked! after a long time, I cooked something with heat. A homecooking food always be the best remedy.
5. I had dinner with myself, while starring at the beautiful dim light of Jakarta. I had a time for my mind to wander a lot.

These five lists of activities, is my combo package of happiness.

Happiness is simple :)

Love,
Catherine

Self respect as key of happiness

Happiness shouldn't be complicated.

one of the key thing to happiness is your ability to take care of yourself well.

self respect is the key.

Some simple tips:

1. Eat what you wanna eat, but eat consciously.

    I drink coke, eat ice cream and chocolate, but in a sufficient amount.

2. Exercise, a healthy soul start with healthy body. I do exercise at least twice a week.

3. Sleep well, put all of your worry in a paper or keep it at locked box. 

    Just worry when its time to worry, dont let your negative mind ruin your sleep.

4. Do what you like to do to charge yourself.

    I loooove spa, but when I can't go to spa, I do it at home!

5. Grateful. If you have shelter, enough food, ability to buy proper fashion; you already lucky.    

     Don't whine! Life is tough and just keep moving.

Happiness should be simple. Don't over complicate it.

First time writing from the office.

My life sometimes was in a not so happy time.
From scale 1-10 of happiness, mine is only 3-4. 

I notice that it happens when I can't think clearly and not having time to breathe properly.

What can I do about it?

Managing expectation, and do little things that is matter for myself...

Like now, while I have a lot of task to do, I choose to stop and do what I like to do..writing and breathe! :)

Fa-Mi-Ly part 1

What does family mean?

According to Merriam Webster: 

family |ˈfam(ə)lē|noun ( pl. -lies)1 [treated as sing. or pl. ] a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.• a group of people related to one another by blood or marriage : friends and family can provide support.• the children of a person or couple : she has the sole responsibility for a large family.• a person or people related to one and so to be treated with a special loyalty or intimacy : I could not turn him away, for he was family.• a group of people united in criminal activity.• Biology a principal taxonomic category that ranks above genus and below order, usually ending in -idae (in zoology) or -aceae (in botany).• a group of objects united by a significant shared characteristic.• Mathematics a group of curves or surfaces obtained by varying the value of a constant in the equation generating them.2 all the descendants of a common ancestor : the house has been owned by the same family for 300 years.• a race or group of peoples from a common stock.• all the languages ultimately derived from a particular early language, regarded as a group : the Austronesian language family.
If I follow above definition, then my ownership of family ended long time ago when I was at elementary school. Last time I lived with both parents are when I was 10- that was 16 years ago. After that I lived with my grandmother and big brother - that categorized me to have a small family, yet when I was 15 or 16, I almost lived alone as my grandmother falling sick and moved to other city with my aunty while my brother is back and forth going to take care of my grandmother.

Well, I am not writing today to discuss or share about my childhood.

I am writing because I have been thinking about this topic for a while.

I am thinking that I am a solitaire person who is incapable of feeling love, and somehow that bring me to the thought that probably I am too long living on my own. 

There, when I start to think whether I never feel loved, thus I am incapable of taking care a relationship or even friendship.

Generally speaking, a human being learn initial things about love from a family.

Yet, I might say, I don't have perfect one. So, is it justified for me to not knowing and to not show love because of my past background?

I don't think so! *said my heart loud and clear

And then I wonder, how does it feel to have a complete family?

How does it feel to have a memory of childhood of running back home from school to your mom and told her everything you have learned that day?

How does it feel to have father who can teach you ride a bike and drive a car?

How does it feel to have someone protect you from harm?

I don't have perfect story here..

but then, when I answer questions above in my head..

somehow my logic brain connects the dots and give an answer:

"You probably never had a perfect family like movies, but some people certainly love you and you are surviving- and most of those experience, you had it with your friends."

And I am stunned by the answer of my logic or my heart (whichever!)..

It made me conclude that family doesn't have to be limited to someone or people that has same DNA or genetics with you. It could be whoever- who care enough and contribute to your life. It possibly one stranger that change your life, it could be your partner in the office who sit next to you. As long as they care, and as long as you believe them and they believe you.. you can say they are family.

Yes, I know its not perfect, but you could live with that!!

to be continued to Fa-Mi-Ly part 2- explaining the feeling of rooted :)

5 Simple Tools for Quieting Your Busy Mind

As I already mentioned in my two previous post, our mind is magic thing, it can bring us happiness and unhappiness. So we have to learn to control it. Today I bump into another blog that also discussing about it, 
here it is...

Our minds are valuable tools, but sometimes they can just be annoying.  Especially when they try to take over, creating an endless stream of thoughts that leave us spinning.  It would not be so bad if they were beautiful and uplifting thoughts, but when our minds gets in this state it’s favorite subjects are usually worry, fear, self-judgment, and guilt.

Who needs that? 

Your mind is not who you are.  It does not control you.  Here are 5 simple tools to try when your brain goes into monkey mind mode:

Prayer and/or Meditation - the ultimate peace giving tools

Mindful Movement – go for a walk or run and count your steps

Focused Activities – Find an activity that requires or inspires your full attention.  Ideas that have worked for others include art, crafts, building things, puzzles, gardening, and sports.

Visualization – Picture the thoughts spinning in your head and then move them to a place outside of you.

Challenging Your Thoughts – Ask yourself if the thoughts are really true and if they serve you.  If not, let them go.  Repeat this process until your mind understands what kinds of thoughts you are willing to keep.

Taken from: www.lifecoachlinda.wordpress.com

Sharing Happiness to Others When You Actually Feel Unhappy

Happy New Year 2014 everyone..!!

Its time to be fierce, to be courageous and to grow more personally.

One of the habit that I'm trying to build since 2013 is meditation.

I believe that it will improve my mental resilience to face life ;)

So I use some simple apps that taught me meditation technique.

The apps is quite simple where it reminds me to do meditation everyday, and then they gave me a quote to ponder along with a nice music background to meditate.

One of my very first quote is "Happiness doesn't decrease when we share it with others"

Quite simple, and I am agree with that.

but something hit me when I do the meditation today,

I think that I never mind sharing happiness with others, but its really hard for me to share happiness when me myself feel unhappy.

That's the challenge!

During my silence time today, I am actually come to a realization that in the unhappy situation, if I can treat other people well and make them feel comfortable anytime (regardless the happiness meter of myself at that time) - will somehow help me to always feel good about myself and then link to the increase of my own happiness.

So... one of my very first commitment in this year is probably to always treat people well.

For my own happiness :) 

and probably you can try too...

Only your mind that can bring you happiness and unhappiness

My mind wanders off a lot lately.
Seems like it finds its own world and creating its own stories, which unfortunately affect my mood a lot. And if I had a Dumbledore's pensieve, here is a piece of my rambled mind. 

I don't feel good lately.
Starting from last christmas eve day.
I suddenly met a huge emptiness starting that day, I feel disappointed with myself who didn't arrange any special event on that day.

It supposed to be special, it supposed to be warm, it supposed to be relieving joy, it supposed to be... (My mind continue to build expectations)
But what I had on that day is.. an empty room, a have no idea "what did i have for dinner?" brain, an empty stomach and a hollow heart.

And I've tried to fixed it, yet, it didn't succeed.
and I tried it the next two days, where I met friends and try to put a beautiful fake smile..
and it didn't succeed.
I tried again today, where I bought my 3 nephew and nieces christmas gifts.
and it didn't succeed.

My mind unrested and was looking for the answer why a logic creature like me can be "not so in shape". Then from thousand of memories in my brain, I remember that about two weeks ago, I read an article about a single writer and traveller who actually feel empty and scared being alone, yet she tried to show to the world that she is strong enough.

That article dispersed in my unconscious mind.
Deep down I questioned whether I act the same.. whether I tried to show to the world that I am strong independent woman, yet I feel vulnerable being alone?
My soul is shaky, my unconscious mind want to do further analysis, while my conscious mind try to stop it.
And so, after that event, in a holy christmas eve, my unconscious mind rattled and affect my feeling.

Until, I open my meditation apps on my phone that said:
"Only the mind that can bring happiness and unhappiness"

I was pondering real hard when read that sentence, and realizing that I was unhappy because of my mind ponder everywhere. While actually if I focus on the now, nothing is wrong, nothing to be worried about - I had family, had several good friends, a good career, a good shelter, able to buy anything I need, able to travel the world if I wanted to.
Everything is available, accessible.
Yet, my mind just over worried and perplexed by a story of someone else's experience.
And its just too funny if I feel unhappy because of my mind (something that I actually can control) was looking at other people's life.

Well, the message of the story was...
We are human gifted by God to control the mind, and not vice versa.
Take care of your mind carefully as it is a garden of your life, you can let anything grow - even if it is not a good one.

Its ok to be alone, literally...

Living in society right now is not easy.
Information overflowing, your friends pictures everywhere, your acquaintances lifes are accessible.

Its very easy for everyone now to compare their life with others,
but sadly, probably in a wrong way.

Its very easy to expect too much from life and its very easy to demand yourself to look at surrounds and expect yourself to be someone else to be accepted.

I should thank God that I learnt it on my very young age.
Rather than learn it later and act as someone else on my old age.

I should thank God that I had enough time suffering alone but surviving. By that, I had enough time build my own confidence, not by being somebody else but being myself, learn from every failures and mistakes and proofing that everything always will be ok.

I should thank God that I had enough time living alone. By that, I had enough time to ponder, find, understand and connect with myself, and learn that it is the truest happiness in life - to know and accept yourself the way it is.

I should thank God that I had a chance to live and survive alone. By that I learn that its ok to feel alone, lonely, abandoned, but strong at the end. And by that I learn that there is no point comparing your life with others, because in the end its about being you yourself and strong.

I should thank God that I had the chance to be independent since my young age. By that, nothing easy, trust me, but... I had the chance to proof it is ok to be alone, as long as you have strong will, everything is possible.

A lot of things I learned when I am almost all alone, but everything is just fine.. even probably, better .

Mathematics of happiness

Everyone knows and probably have heard about this formula of happiness, yet we often forget to apply it on daily life. Here is the formula:  

Happiness = Reality - Expectation.
So don't get too complicated on pursuing and formulating happiness, it probably as simple as lowering you expectation to everything surrounds you. Don't expect too much from your family, from your partner, from your company, from your kids and friends.

Definition of Happiness
happinessnountrying to rediscover the happiness we once knew contentment,satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality,jollity, glee, delight, good spirits, lightheartedness, well-being,enjoyment.
Definition of Reality
reality |rēˈalətē|noun ( pl. -ties)1 the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them : he refuses to face reality | Laura was losing touch with reality.• a thing that is actually experienced or seen, esp. when this is grim or problematic : the harsh realities of life in a farming community | the law ignores the reality of the situation.• a thing that exists in fact, having previously only existed in one's mind: the paperless office may yet become a reality.• the quality of being lifelike or resembling an original : the reality of Marryat's detail.
Definition of Expectation
expectation |ˌekspekˈtā sh ən|nouna strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future :reality had not lived up to expectations | an expectation that the government will provide the resources | he drilled his men in expectation of a Prussian advance.• a belief that someone will or should achieve something : students had high expectations for their future.• ( expectations) archaic one's prospects of inheritance.

Long Morning Random Thought: Paradoxes of Life

I had a conversation with my friend yesterday.
It was a very simple ordinary dinner, but I think a lot afterwards.

The topic of the conversation was random as usual, but this time I can pull a red line from that.
I think, me myself as a human is a contradictory creature and I have a lot of paradoxes in life. But my self defense said that all human being is.

Here is several real life examples :

When approaching the time of achieving dream, human will tend to pause, or slow down a bit and take a time to think whether this is what they want. Or even, on the extreme case, human have this agitate feeling when the finish line approaching. After sometime living a life full of efforts to achieve the dream, when the dream comes true, human can back off and feel that they lose the motivation and they lose their privilege to dream. 

Case example: I am not married yet, but several cases show that the groom and the bride can back off suddenly when approaching the D-day. The D-day that they thought will be the happiest moment in their life.

It is so funny that I also realize how human sometime living life another way around to protect themselves. Some people prefer to live alone, but it is not because of they are cold people who really love to be alone, but they choose to live that way because living together with someone else is increasing the risk of losing the other person- which they know will break their heart worse than holding the lonely feeling of living alone.

I also find it is interesting for people who have a lot of outer circle friends. They appear loveable and kind and warm to everyone, yet when it comes to their inner circle, they become themselves and being selfish and ignorant. 

Do you know that people sometimes treat their outer circle nicer than their inner circle?  Do you know why? because sometime people put the mask on, they feel they are obligated to behave like what the surroundings demand from them, and when they face their inner circle, they are tired already that they need to be themselves and expecting that the inner circle understand them better.

And the last case, I am amazed how the perception can be 180 degrees different from the reality. Since human self defense is sometime 180 degrees from what made them most vulnerable, sometime we judge people's life wrongly. 

So here is my lesson learnt :

1. Next time when you are too excited run achieving your dream, think again, stop for a while. It might not be the thing that you really want or need. You just get too excited achieving it.
2. Next time when you meet cold people, don't judge that they are cruel etc. Vice versa, when you meet warm people, don't trust easily that they are kind people.
3. Next time when you think that your life is very vulnerable, look again, it might not be that bad, and you can always feel grateful about it.
4. Next time when you meet new people or new circumstances, try to not make any perception or judgement before you get the complete story. Your brain can cheat you :)

Live today

Convincing ourselves that everything is gonna be ok, is not an easy job.
It is indeed, toughest job for several people.

I still remember having a conversation with my one of good friend.
He was worrying about his future that he almost depressed about it.

I don't know why, human is trying so much to predict future.
Thinking about tomorrow is not easy, and thinking about where will you be in next 10 years, is definitely tough.

I am myself often face the fear of tomorrow.
Even I sometime fear about what hasn't come yet.
I try to predict everything and trying so hard to mitigate all the possible risks,
and living that way is somehow tiring.

Life sometime shouldn't be treated that way.
Life is happening not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today.
What has happened in the past not necessary will happen tomorrow.
and if today we are okay, let just surrender to Thee that everything just gonna be ok

Easy to say, hard to implement :)

* I hate Monday deeply, that I think hard every Sunday night, and culminate in Monday night. So I write a lot on this particular day. *\haha/*

two sides of a coin

Most of you, must be familiar with two sides of coin phrase.
but do you know what does it mean in your daily life?

one of my best friend ever send me a quote:

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” 

~Steve Furtick

Human tends to compare themselves with other highlight reel, without really think that everyone is facing their own struggles. 

Have you ever open Facebook, looking at your friends pics - monthly holiday abroad, blue ocean, nice condo, good laugh with friends - and then suddenly you feel jealous and insecure and vulnerable about it?

Or have you ever read somewhere about your friend's career - s/he is very young and very successful - and then suddenly you feel jealous and insecure and vulnerable about it?

If yes, then try to see the other side of coins.

On your friend's holiday - 

have you ever really think that they probably going abroad often to meet their parents who are lying on hospital there? 

Or have you ever think that they probably often get assignment abroad yet never really have time for holiday, so that they made a little time to take a good picture as a souvenir?

On your friend's career - 

have you ever really think about how many pressures and struggles they have faced in order to achieve that career? Nothing such as a free lunch in life.

Or have you ever really think about how hard is it for them to find free time, even to take care of themselves ? you probably could never imagine.

It is always about two sides of coin.

One self probably have a good settle beautiful life, but who are us judging that they achieve it without struggles and discipline?

Life is not only about you being unlucky comparing to other.

  

Simple Happiness: I give myself a holiday on Sunday morning

This morning, I woke up and thought this will be another ordinary Sunday. But then, I made a phone call to one of Balinese Spa across the street. I want to start this day, relax. They have a free slot at 10 am, then went there. The spa was good. Made me feel fresh and light.

Initially, I planned to go straight back home, so I went outside the spa, and surprisingly feel really happy found the sun shines brightly.

Suddenly, my feet led me to a café in the corner of the street, I forget the plan to went back home soon. Within seconds, I sit there and ordered the only one breakfast menu that they had. Sunny side egg with toasted bread.

Then, two slices of bread came, followed by one glass of orange juice and a cup of hot tea. “Wow, this is a big breakfast!” I thought. Seemed that it wasn’t enough, another plate of sunny side egg with hash brown potato and sausages came.

“Well, this is Sunday, lets have a BIG happy breakfast” I told myself.

I didn’t know where the idea came from, suddenly an idea popped up “Let’s act as a tourist this morning, I deserve holiday” . Then, I put my sunglasses on, formalized my crazy sudden idea to act as a tourist.

I sit there around an hour, enjoying my breakfast while watching people come and go crossing the street, open a map or just stop taking pictures. There are people with many nationalities: Korean, Japanese, Malaysian, Western, Middle Eastern. “They are on holiday…” I thought. “Mmm..wait..Today?? What date is it? How can they easily pick up their holiday date?”

I keep watching them while finishing my breakfast. Their faces portray excitement, happiness. My brain couldn’t stop thinking “Why are they so excited and happy?”

During that time, I realized something. We are human often fail appreciating what we have. We forget to be grateful for a little small things surround us.

I live there, 100 meters from one of tourism spot in Singapore, I often go there to have a fast breakfast, or dinner. First time I went there, I am so excited, but the feeling is disappeared after the third visit. When things are taking their ordinary course, it’s so easy to take everyday life for granted.

Don’t you think it is funny? Human often wait for something BIG happened in their life to be happy. We wait to see new things to be excited, and pathetically, we fail appreciating the surrounds beauty.

We think that we’ll be happy once we arrive at some destinations. But often, arriving doesn’t make us as happy as well, we keep raising the bar, we keep stacking our expectation. It’s important not to expect too much happiness at the destination, but the journey as well. Appreciating the journey, the little things and surround is really important.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for what I have. For the family, and lovely friends that I have.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for all the processes happening in my life, it doesn’t always be a bright sunny day, but I will learn to be thankful and put faith on life.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for all of my surroundings, beautiful city – I call it “City of lights”.

And today, I give myself a sweet holiday. I don’t need to be a tourist somewhere to be happy, being here in the middle of the crowd, I will be as happy as those tourists 

What is an ideal world?

I was thinking of this term today…

I wish everyone could have a chance to live happily..

EVERYONE…
unknown people i met on the bus, the security man whom i never saw before this morning, my friendly receptionist, my damn good office boy, my boss, my BIG bosses, EVERYONE….

I wish everyone could have their own ideal world to make them happy..
at least I wish they are having the same chance to live happily as their standard, not hurted, not burdened

but then I think… why God not create it that way?
He must have a very good reason for that…

then it left me the question why in my mind.

As I am trying to understand why…I try to look for the definition of ideal first.

according to my dictionary:

ideal |īˈdē(ə)l|
adjective
1 satisfying one’s conception of what is perfect; most suitable : the swimming pool is ideal for a quick dip | this is an ideal opportunity to save money.
2 [ attrib. ] existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality : in an ideal world, we might have made a different decision.
• representing an abstract or hypothetical optimum : mathematical modeling can determine theoretically ideal conditions.

Based on the dictionary,
in the first sentence ideal is representing something perfect based on someone’s conception/ someone wish…
and surprisingly, even dictionary already said that it is existing only in imagination!!

What is wrong with this world? why the word ‘ideal’ seems so impossible?
why?

and a week later,
I found the answer…

I am amazed, even feel shock that I can find the answer that fast..

it is as simple as when you have everything that you want,
you will loss desire. you won’t feel alive anymore.

When you get all the things what you want, then you feel empty..
then thats it. done.

thats why the ideal and perfect situation only exist in your mind.

Fairy Tale..

I was watching TV series lately…

There, life seems so much easy. Too easy.

Do what you love, speak what you have in mind, live a life. Done.

I have a question in mind…

“Can it be real? Can we have a real life doing only what we love,without sacrificing something?or its just a fairy tale story?” 

I was questioning it over and over..

I was watching and putting my eyes on star’s world (star ~ famous and successful people)

I am watching them and questioning “Do they have to sacrifice something to make a living?” Or “ They just lucky get a free fulfilling life, doing what they love, be rich because of it?”

I think, those kind of questions pop up in most of twenties… 

Twenties…

Identity crisis. Time to go to the jungle. Whatever..

Life in college never teach us how to live a life.

Worst part, it is not preparing us to be what we want to be.

And that’s what make twenties life so complicated ~ if I can say so..

We are graduated from college and university.

Having so much dream, having so much idealism.

We start looking for a job with reason for living.

No matter what the job is, we go for it.

After working for several months,

We realize that it isn’t what we want…

It is far away from what we say “perfect”

We get stuck, in the middle of nowhere and losing our deepest passion.

But we keep doing our best in our job in a way that we learn a word “realistic”

 Again, I am questioning “ Should we sacrifice something for make a good life? “