Now I know what I don't know about myself.

Today, a series of events become an eye opener for me.
It awakes me from my long sleep.

Started with morning discussion about the company culture where I worked.
In a meeting we discuss that my current company is a "club", and not a company - and everyone is agreeing on it.
I don't know why, I feel uncomfortable being on that meeting, where everyone was happy with that fact. Vice versa, I feel ashamed. I feel nothing fun about it.
Work for me should be serious and formal and professional.
And not for fun purpose.

Then I jump to another meeting, about people.
Where I think much about how this company should manage people performance.
Nothing really big happen on that meeting, I just found that I hate so much doing facilitating job. 

And last but not least, I received bad news and I am super angry with the situation, that I feel so tired about it. I am almost yelling at several person and only stop when one of my beloved person said that I should stop .

At that time, I suddenly arrived at the moment of truth that I don't like the job, I don't like the value of the company, and I've been pushing myself to be somebody else for past couple of years. 

I promise myself that I should be myself, and be the best that I can be.
And for the whole four years, I am doing great, even though I am not being myself.
And I am of course will do greater, If I am being myself.