The price of maturity- my version

Sometime, I think that I stop being myself

I used to be talkative; I used to say out loud what I had in mind.
Then, somehow, along the way, it just stopped.
Is this the price of being mature?
Stop saying what you think? Stop believing what you think right?
Never know that the price of maturity is so freaking expensive -Losing freedom.

I hate to admit it. I hate to admit that as an adult, we live burdened.

Kids, teach us the adult, what is dream?
What is courage?
What is freedom?
But also teach us, what do you see in us?

When I was a kid, thought that I have to grow up quickly to get my freedom
Then I grew up too quickly, getting my responsibility too fast.
And I sold my time to freedom.
So now, as an adult I do have freedom, but I don’t have time.

But it's equally imperfect
Now I am just kids, with responsibility
I assume freedom, but I don’t have time.

Utopian romantic

Life is so much about surprises. 

Also love.

Human cannot run from the feeling of wanting and dreaming of finding their soulmate.

Can we human never dream about the happy settle feeling to be shared with the loved one?

or dreaming about happy home that is built together?

Human is wired to find love.

On finding it... that's another story. Human is wired to have utopian dream about it.

Some people wish to find it on their friends eyes.

Some people wish to find it on the new faces they met.

or even, some people wish to find it miraculously fall from heaven.

But I still remember how I find mine.

First fact about it, I don't realize it, and surprisingly, I don't expect it.

It was several years ago.

he was one of my colleague that I didn't know well, even probably I didn't know his name.

we went for teamwork training in an exotic resort in an island far far away.

I remember, first time I notice that he was there is when he made jokes with others.

and theylaughed often.

-- My first impression - he was an ice breaker guy, who probably too extrovert for me.

And then..... I forget.

I am too busy feel excited arriving at the exotic resort.

Until that after dinner time session, somehow we were in one karaoke team.

now I start to noticed him as he lent me his kind of Texas hat

-- my second impression - he has a kind open heart, who probably not really my style

The night getting late, we were singing, laughing and dancing together. 

What I knew at that time, I was enjoying my time around him. That's it.

The day after, we were again managed to be one team on building sand castle competition.

There was nothing special, no feeling or else.

Yet, when the pictures are being distributed after the event, I realized that somehow I managed myself to be next to him in the at least 7 pics.

-- my justification: that was just probability effect.

And, the outing came to an end.

me and several friends managed to continue our trip for shopping on next famous island.

I am excited for shopping!

But on the cruise went to the next island, I felt sudden emptiness.

I looked for his presence, I felt sudden disappointment that he was not there.

I was anxious and hated my self for not saying a proper goodbye.

That sudden empty feeling gave me a signal that I was craving, and wanting to be next to him, who I had not known until 40 hours before. And that's how I find mine.

It's far from the ideal utopian dream, but its sweet.