The time when I start is the time when it dissapears

I always want to write.. 

Many thoughts, words, stories and plots pop up on my mind;

the need feeling of pouring my brain into sentence is very huge — very huge that

i feel i hear myself saying to my brain the sentences that i have to write

But pity me, everytime i decide to start pouring my brain, time when i start to open my laptop and

when my finger touch keyboard..that is the time when all the concept dissapear.

and it also happened right now.

I already hear myself saying to my brain to open the laptop from yesterday night.

and the opening sentence “I always want to write” is a sentence that haunted me for almost last 12 hours.

and now, i am blank right away. I lost the plot and ideas.

I dont know why is it happened on and on.

either i put it too long on my short term memory or i am too much worry about the plot; so that it is disappear.

I wish, I could fix this by exercising a lot.

i hope there is no more time when i started and its the time when it dissapears

…

What is an ideal world?

I was thinking of this term today…

I wish everyone could have a chance to live happily..

EVERYONE…
unknown people i met on the bus, the security man whom i never saw before this morning, my friendly receptionist, my damn good office boy, my boss, my BIG bosses, EVERYONE….

I wish everyone could have their own ideal world to make them happy..
at least I wish they are having the same chance to live happily as their standard, not hurted, not burdened

but then I think… why God not create it that way?
He must have a very good reason for that…

then it left me the question why in my mind.

As I am trying to understand why…I try to look for the definition of ideal first.

according to my dictionary:

ideal |īˈdē(ə)l|
adjective
1 satisfying one’s conception of what is perfect; most suitable : the swimming pool is ideal for a quick dip | this is an ideal opportunity to save money.
2 [ attrib. ] existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality : in an ideal world, we might have made a different decision.
• representing an abstract or hypothetical optimum : mathematical modeling can determine theoretically ideal conditions.

Based on the dictionary,
in the first sentence ideal is representing something perfect based on someone’s conception/ someone wish…
and surprisingly, even dictionary already said that it is existing only in imagination!!

What is wrong with this world? why the word ‘ideal’ seems so impossible?
why?

and a week later,
I found the answer…

I am amazed, even feel shock that I can find the answer that fast..

it is as simple as when you have everything that you want,
you will loss desire. you won’t feel alive anymore.

When you get all the things what you want, then you feel empty..
then thats it. done.

thats why the ideal and perfect situation only exist in your mind.

Hide and seek with fear

Life is very much full of surprises as weather

When you expect a bright sunny day, sometimes it doesn’t

And if I can be honest, day in my life not always be a warm one

Sometimes it is a dark stormy day that it is hardly to see forward

 

Since my early age

I was afraid of dark sky, more and more afraid of lightning and thunder

I closed my eyes so I didn’t see the sky burst

I protect my ears so I didn’t hear the constant explosion that hurt me so

I ran to deepest earth if I could, hiding from that heavy stormy rain

 

As I grow up..

I realize one thing, I can’t hide anymore.

I have to face the fear and start think what the worst could happen If I wasn’t hide.

 

As I grow up I try to face the fears

I try to see the lightning straightly

I try to catch the melody of thunder

I try to dance in the pouring rain

 

While waiting the storm passed, I learned how to enjoy the flash of lightning, the melody of thunder, and dancing with the raindrops

And I try to believe, on the next days I’ll see the most peaceful clear sky