Simple Happiness: I give myself a holiday on Sunday morning

This morning, I woke up and thought this will be another ordinary Sunday. But then, I made a phone call to one of Balinese Spa across the street. I want to start this day, relax. They have a free slot at 10 am, then went there. The spa was good. Made me feel fresh and light.

Initially, I planned to go straight back home, so I went outside the spa, and surprisingly feel really happy found the sun shines brightly.

Suddenly, my feet led me to a café in the corner of the street, I forget the plan to went back home soon. Within seconds, I sit there and ordered the only one breakfast menu that they had. Sunny side egg with toasted bread.

Then, two slices of bread came, followed by one glass of orange juice and a cup of hot tea. “Wow, this is a big breakfast!” I thought. Seemed that it wasn’t enough, another plate of sunny side egg with hash brown potato and sausages came.

“Well, this is Sunday, lets have a BIG happy breakfast” I told myself.

I didn’t know where the idea came from, suddenly an idea popped up “Let’s act as a tourist this morning, I deserve holiday” . Then, I put my sunglasses on, formalized my crazy sudden idea to act as a tourist.

I sit there around an hour, enjoying my breakfast while watching people come and go crossing the street, open a map or just stop taking pictures. There are people with many nationalities: Korean, Japanese, Malaysian, Western, Middle Eastern. “They are on holiday…” I thought. “Mmm..wait..Today?? What date is it? How can they easily pick up their holiday date?”

I keep watching them while finishing my breakfast. Their faces portray excitement, happiness. My brain couldn’t stop thinking “Why are they so excited and happy?”

During that time, I realized something. We are human often fail appreciating what we have. We forget to be grateful for a little small things surround us.

I live there, 100 meters from one of tourism spot in Singapore, I often go there to have a fast breakfast, or dinner. First time I went there, I am so excited, but the feeling is disappeared after the third visit. When things are taking their ordinary course, it’s so easy to take everyday life for granted.

Don’t you think it is funny? Human often wait for something BIG happened in their life to be happy. We wait to see new things to be excited, and pathetically, we fail appreciating the surrounds beauty.

We think that we’ll be happy once we arrive at some destinations. But often, arriving doesn’t make us as happy as well, we keep raising the bar, we keep stacking our expectation. It’s important not to expect too much happiness at the destination, but the journey as well. Appreciating the journey, the little things and surround is really important.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for what I have. For the family, and lovely friends that I have.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for all the processes happening in my life, it doesn’t always be a bright sunny day, but I will learn to be thankful and put faith on life.

Today, I remind myself to be grateful for all of my surroundings, beautiful city – I call it “City of lights”.

And today, I give myself a sweet holiday. I don’t need to be a tourist somewhere to be happy, being here in the middle of the crowd, I will be as happy as those tourists 

Real vs Unreal

So, who could tell me what is real and what is unreal?

I was spending two days – 48 hours with him, in fact I have spent 1 year and 4 months loving him.

When I took him to airport this morning, I was questioning, what is real between us?

Is it worth to spend time loving him, and yet, I doubt what is the result of this kind of “very complicated” relationship?

What is the most important factor of Real?

Is this relationship actually happening or not? Is this result of the reality, or just my wishful thinking?

These questions trigger me to think more and more about this relationship.

Well, let me elaborate what was happening between me and him.

So.. we are together, mm not we aren’t.. he does with someone else..

We are falling in love for each other, mmm not quite sure. 

I can assure that i am falling in love with him, but not quite sure vice versa..

We are meeting each other. Yes, we are regularly meet each other.

We are taking care of each other. mmm, sort of..

So can we categorize this as relationship?

real one? or unreal one?

Its laugh and love and everything in between

In between love and laugh..

there are tears

there are pains

there are struggles, insecurities, vulnerabilities..

there are scars and panic attacks.

its not always butterfly and rainbow.

but it is my way to get the laugh and love with you.

the journey that is really worth to have.

If its not like the movies, I won't take it

I always believe on below lyric…

When you find the right one, it should feel like the movies, cinematic and dramatic..

When you find the right one, it is so beautiful that it feels unreal

 

He put it on me, I put it on

Like there was nothin’ wrong

It didn’t fit, it wasn’t right
Wasn’t just the size

They say you know when you know
I don’t know

I didn’t feel
The fairy tale feeling, no
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could?

If it’s not like the movies
That’s how it should be
When he’s the one, I’ll come undone
And my world will stop spinning

And that’s just the beginning

Snow White said when I was young
One day, my prince will come so I’ll wait for that date
They say it’s hard to meet your match
Gotta find my better half so we make perfect shapes

If stars don’t align, if it doesn’t stop time
If you can’t see the sign, wait for it
One-hundred percent, worth every penny you spend
He’ll be the one that finishes your sentences

If it’s not like the movies
That’s how it should be, yeah
When he’s the one, I’ll come undone
And my world will stop spinning

And that’s just the beginning

‘Cause I know you’re out there
And you’re, you’re lookin’ for me
It’s a crazy idea that
You were made perfectly for me, you see

Just like the movies
That’s how it will be
Cinematic and dramatic
With the perfect ending

It’s not like the movies
But that’s how it should be
When he’s the one, you’ll come undone
And your world will stop spinning

And it’s just the beginning

Questioning-edited.

There are a lot of things that you could doubt about yourself..

You doubt your self ability,
You doubt your decision making process,
You doubt your choice..
And probably, you doubt your sanity..

Today, over a cup of hot hazelnut latte I am questioning myself..I doubt every single logic decision that I’ve made.

The question is:
Why I choose one particular guy over hundreds guy that I could be with..?

Tried so many hundreds time to make a “why” list..and now, I’ll try once again to make the list..just to make sure that I have enough reasons to choose him as the owner of my heart.. and here it comes the reasons:

1. Because I respect him
2. Because everytime I look at him, I just know that he is the one
3. Because he is the one I am look up to.. Fyi, I am super independent stubborn girl who rarely look up to someone..
4. Because he is acting super cool everytime, have an enormous high confidence that every girl in town will be down to their knee to get him (rr… I am a bit exaggerating here)
5. Because he is playing hard to get, yet care enough about me
6. Because he is brave enough to take the risks just to be with me? --> Make me feel worth enough?
7. Because, basically, he is the one with huge testosterone which make him looks enormously sexy! He is the most manly man I ever met.. Yet he is detail and super neat. A very good blend of a guy which every woman dreaming.. (Am I exaggerating again? No! )
8. Because he smells good (let’s go to the physical part); tall and big, good looking enough – great second look, have a deep eyes, have a very good taste on cars, watch, and electronics!
9. Because he is the man!

Seems the reasons are good enough eh? yet, he does living with someone else.

Heart never lies rite? It always guide you to the right one. Does it?

Today, over that cup of hazelnut latte, I am questioning, whether my feeling is real, or am I dating and falling in love with my own brain..? Or I just simply trapped in my own illusion of falling in love..?
PS: this isn’t black or white story.. being grey is part of life..

The time when I start is the time when it dissapears

I always want to write.. 

Many thoughts, words, stories and plots pop up on my mind;

the need feeling of pouring my brain into sentence is very huge — very huge that

i feel i hear myself saying to my brain the sentences that i have to write

But pity me, everytime i decide to start pouring my brain, time when i start to open my laptop and

when my finger touch keyboard..that is the time when all the concept dissapear.

and it also happened right now.

I already hear myself saying to my brain to open the laptop from yesterday night.

and the opening sentence “I always want to write” is a sentence that haunted me for almost last 12 hours.

and now, i am blank right away. I lost the plot and ideas.

I dont know why is it happened on and on.

either i put it too long on my short term memory or i am too much worry about the plot; so that it is disappear.

I wish, I could fix this by exercising a lot.

i hope there is no more time when i started and its the time when it dissapears

…

What is an ideal world?

I was thinking of this term today…

I wish everyone could have a chance to live happily..

EVERYONE…
unknown people i met on the bus, the security man whom i never saw before this morning, my friendly receptionist, my damn good office boy, my boss, my BIG bosses, EVERYONE….

I wish everyone could have their own ideal world to make them happy..
at least I wish they are having the same chance to live happily as their standard, not hurted, not burdened

but then I think… why God not create it that way?
He must have a very good reason for that…

then it left me the question why in my mind.

As I am trying to understand why…I try to look for the definition of ideal first.

according to my dictionary:

ideal |īˈdē(ə)l|
adjective
1 satisfying one’s conception of what is perfect; most suitable : the swimming pool is ideal for a quick dip | this is an ideal opportunity to save money.
2 [ attrib. ] existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality : in an ideal world, we might have made a different decision.
• representing an abstract or hypothetical optimum : mathematical modeling can determine theoretically ideal conditions.

Based on the dictionary,
in the first sentence ideal is representing something perfect based on someone’s conception/ someone wish…
and surprisingly, even dictionary already said that it is existing only in imagination!!

What is wrong with this world? why the word ‘ideal’ seems so impossible?
why?

and a week later,
I found the answer…

I am amazed, even feel shock that I can find the answer that fast..

it is as simple as when you have everything that you want,
you will loss desire. you won’t feel alive anymore.

When you get all the things what you want, then you feel empty..
then thats it. done.

thats why the ideal and perfect situation only exist in your mind.