Turn your wound into your strengths

“I’m stronger because of hard times, wiser because of my mistakes; and happier because I have known sadness.” - Unknown

Some people look up to me as their role model, some said I am being lucky to be able to reach a great career in my young age. I live in an emerging country where I can go to gym which cost equal to 50% of some other people monthly revenue or I can go shopping on weekend which cost equal to 100% of some other people monthly salary..(note: Only if I wanted to)

 

So many people looking at me with jealousy- they said I am lucky and success; some even guessed I am a spoiled daughter of some big family. But not so many people know, I am an open wound.

Life has been really tough on me since I was a kid, I never had a complete family. My dad was never been there since I was one year old, and my mom, she was too busy healing herself. I grew up with insecurities, I grew up with that loneliness and that craving for attention feeling.

 

I went to one of famous high school in Indonesia, when every other kids went there with expensive cars, I simply used my old brother’s motorcycle or general transportation. When everyone changed their fashion every two weeks, I simply changed it for once a year. When everyone went to holiday with their parent’s money, I simply need to sell one of my gadget to afford vacation.
 

It sound shallow when you compare yourself with other by what you have and what you wear. But for 11 year old kids, it is. I grew up bitter, not having anyone protecting me at that time.

My only reason of being able to be successful today is my will to push myself. 

I always push my limits, I always give and deliver more. Some said, that is my quality. No it is not. It is my coping mechanism.

I never have anyone who I can count on, since I was a kid, I only trust myself, I work really damn hard and trying to not really care about my surroundings. Slow but sure, I am paving my success path with that open wound.

Until one day, I realize that my life is getting better, everything is settled and I can fulfill anything that I need. I looked back and just realized that I run from my past, I run with that open wound and never plan to come back.

Today, I convince myself that if not because of my wound and coping mechanism, I will not be here and achieving this point in life. This wound has taught me a good quality of life, that we can’t always depend on others for our happiness, that it is pointless to compare yourself with others.

Sometime, its still hurt if I remember those sad times in the past, but I am trying to accept that as my past and turn it to my strengths. I taught myself to remember that    I am not who I am today without the wound. It is easier to say than to do it.

When life hits you hard, when you lose someone you love, you will not automatically embrace the pain, you will hate it, you struggle, you want to run.

Its easy to forget the lesson that you have learnt; but today I remind myself once again (and you) to embrace your wound and turn it to your strength! I believe you also have passed some stories in your life- the story that make you stronger than yesterday J