a depressed note?

Believe it or not, I think I had a heart attack last week.
I am still young, have a very normal weight and cholesterol level, but yes... I often think that I might die young.

For me facing death is.. ordinary.
when you are too often facing the uncertainty of tomorrow, facing death is just part of it.

So the story begun when I went back home.
that day I feel tired, too tired that my head bumping loudly.
I feel that I almost fainted and losing breath, not to mention that I felt my hard heart beat on my left chest.

What did I do at that time?
I google the symptom on web md.
It said that I may have a coronary artery disease, or panic attack, or angina, or any heart disease related. Then guess what I did next?
yes, I google again . I typed 'how to survive heart attack?'
and I read some tips to get aspirin.. and, oops I just had a paracetamol instead.
then I google again, there was a research going on that paracetamol can help too.
Then I took one and sleep, hoping that I sleep in peace.

At that time, I considered to left a note or send a message to the people that I think considered as important people in my life. But then, I thought that.. everyone will be just ok if I left, they probably just went shocked for a while, and that's normal.

I ever said in my another post that I never afraid of an end.
And that's including death.
Sometime I think death is better option for me.
I am just being logic, that death is probably a nice way out and a nice end.

Don't draw a conclusion that I will kill myself for that thinking, I won't that its just wasting time and energy, but the thinking of it -that it might feels good when it comes to an end is so appealing.

that I finally meet an end..